Movie Review - X-Men III: The Last Stand

Terri warned me. She said that the final installment in the X-Men movie franchise was rental quality at best. Just the same, Chris Claremont's run on the X-Men, resulting in the Dark Phoenix Saga featured some of the best writing I've ever had the pleasure of reading. With this in mind, my mentality was one of, "How bad could it be? The plotlines have been handed to the screenwriters on a silver platter." Despite this fact, X-Men III was utterly terrible.

The good: um, the special effects were really well done and sometimes impressive

The bad: Oh, where to start?

• Character development ranged from weak to downright non-existent


• The motivations for various characters' decisions are left to be inferred by the viewer, rather than explored


• The "bad guys" were stereotypical (honestly, they've all got tattoos?!), despite the fact that the "grey area" between right and wrong was a major theme


• The plot was rushed


• Even for a movie based on a comic book franchise, suspension of disbelief was a very difficult thing for the viewer to attempt


• Screenwriter: "I know! Let's kill off the characters anyone has any interest in!"


• Halle f***ing Berry

So, I've firmly established that I have a hate-on for Halle Berry. Yes, we all know she looks fabulous in a bikini, or a skintight leather costume, or whatever the fetishists have decided to dress her in in the latest action/adventure she's featured in. You cannot, however, tell me that she's worthy of receiving dialogue. I winced each and every single time she was on screen, hamming things up. The woman has no idea how to act, something that's key in a movie about comic book superheroes. Hear me out: if your movie is about men and women prancing around in tights, destroying things by flicking their wrists, your actors should be trying to convince the audience that this is believable. Hugh Jackman, as Wolverine, exudes a cool confidence. When he's fighting evil, he wears a leather one-piece and makes fists to extend his claws — 'cause that could actually happen. In contrast, every time I saw Halle Berry getting screentime, I thought, "Oh good, Halle Berry's going to pretend that she's Storm again." Apparently, this means that Storm doesn't speak in any regular rhythms or cadences, is constantly finding something to do with her hands, and is standing as close to the key dialogue-giver in each moment as she possibly can. All this time, I thought Storm was a regal character, when it turns out she's actually an attention-whore. Who knew?

Thank Heavens the likelihood of a continuation in the franchise is low.