Mulling...
I've had a lot on my mind recently, and I'm still struggling with a lot of the questions that have been raised. Mercifully, the emotional carnage has subsided.
I've been trying to deal with the fact that I'm a very open and honest person in a situation where silence is socially imperative. The fact that I have to keep secrets — especially when I can clearly see the benefit in starting an open discussion about the issues they'd raise — is very hard for me to reconcile with my system of beliefs. Still, I suppose I must respect the wishes of those who would like to keep these things discreet — even if it means compromising my own values.
I fear that this blog will end up being nothing more than a forum for recipe-sharing, anecdotes and peeves, but I suppose it wasn't much more than that any way.
Labels: Life
posted by ghanima @ 7:31 pm
4 comments
4 Comments:
I think it's worth pointing out that despite the fact that everyone who reads it knows who you are, this is still for the most part an anonymous medium, even for you. Thus, the things you post and the opinions and responses you solicit do not necessarily betray any sort of unearned or undeserved confidence. Sometimes it takes a few removed opinions for people to see the error of their ways.
I'm not suggesting you post every intimate detail of your life on the web for the world to critique, but I also wouldn't feel overly stifled based on the few people who read this. Those who love you should take your feelings into consideration and understanding where you're coming from. I just hope they haven't been too overwhelmed with life to notice the effect they're having.
I understand what you're saying, Kev, but it would be hard for me to separate out parts of what's been bothering me, without providing backstory as to why it's bothering me as much as it is. It would be like trying to make a cake with just the flour and oil; what you end up with might pass for a cake, but it's not really a cake in its entirety. Yes, I realize that was a food analogy...
It's the backstory that I think would be a) most difficult for me to convey and b) hard for many of the readers to discover, so I've been avoiding going into it at all, in this medium.
You may find that spilling it all out (backstory and all, or not) will be very therapeutic. You can make those particular entries private, or open to only select people.
I also have a couple of suggestions:
1. there are lots of forums that remain completely annonymous. You could call a distress centre (416-408-HELP). I know people think of a distress centre as where you would call if you are suicidal, but it is a pleace where you can call to talk. No names, and someone is there just to listen. And sometimes just having someone listen, with no judgement and no advice giving is exactly what we need. Especially when we're talking about secrets. I think that doing this would not consititute breaking someone's confidence, but be a safeguard for your own sanity.
2. Sometimes it helps to not offer to keep a secret 'carte blanche' before you know what the secret is. I know that seems weird, and I only know this because of my "counsellor" hat. but it can be helpful to preface someone giving you a secret by saying "I can't promise to keep a scret until I know a little more what it's about".
3. Some times all we can do is suggest that the situation may be best resolved by open communication and offer to facilitate a meeting, and support our friend. Then know that you have done your piece.
I hope those things help.
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