Monday, October 09, 2017


I'm not even sure how many of the people I know even check this blog any more, but I figured it'd be a good idea to post here, regardless. This is a relatively quick way for me to write a mini-novella, and keep it reasonably structured.

I'm finding this year uncomfortably similar to the one in which I got married which — until this year — was unquestionably the worst year of my life (and no, the getting married part wasn't the bulk of it by far). It still "wins" that title, but I say so in full knowledge of the fact that this year isn't over yet.

First off, the ever-present doom that I have no control over: dad's got dementia and it's rapidly worsening. The fact is that most of the people who read (past and present tense included) this blog don't have a very good understanding of just how bad my immediate family's dynamic is and the only reason I haven't broadcast it completely is out of a sense of obligation to the my parents' generation of family — I feel there'd be a strong sense of embarrassment on their parts. That said, I've been tempted to come clean about it all. 40 is about 40 years too long to hold onto these issues without admitting how big of a piece of my life its been. So there might be more info to come on that front. This is all a very roundabout way of saying that when one's immediate family has long-standing, unresolved, and deeply hurtful issues left unaddressed, dealing with a chronic and debilitating illness within that dynamic doesn't do anything to help with the stress levels inherent in that dynamic. Mostly, Caty and I end up feeling helpless and resigning ourselves to the fact that my parents are effectively trying to end their existences in as painful and drawn-out a fashion as possible.

We were looking at selling our townhouse over the Summer, after I came to the realization, in May, that we'd be able to move to a detached home in the Barrie area, mortgage-free. I'd be lying if I said that my parents' situation was a motivating factor, but I think that being somewhere quieter, closer to our lake of choice and nearer to my in-laws (to say nothing of how much better off we'd be, financially, if we were mortgage- and maintenance-fee-free) would be genuinely and incredibly beneficial to our family unit as a whole. We saw several places we placed offers on, but either had them outright rejected or were unable to close the sale on our home in time. We ended up taking our place off the market and hope that sales will be strong in the Spring.

I had what seemed to be a digestive-based anaphylactic reaction to duck egg on the first day that Matt returned to work of Kara's Summer break. On the floor of the local Lowe's. During which I had to weakly crawl across the floor (with the attempted assistance of several staff members), collapsing every few "steps" in a sweaty, pained heap on the floor. When the contents of my digestive system had emptied themselves (I was able to make it to a toilet — yay!), I was still soaked with sweat and beet red, with bloodshot eyes. So this Summer included a referral to an allergist who was able to determine that all of the things I already knew I was allergic to, I am, but to not chicken or duck egg. I'm also, previously unbeknownst to me, allergic to rat dander and mugwort. My birch allergy is every bit as strong as I suspected it'd be — that test site swelled up like a full-blown mosquito bite.

I also seriously aggravated the mild case of plantar fascitis I've had since Kara was born. At its worst, I had to walk around with the weight applied only to the ball of my right foot. I'm mostly recovered now, but it took me about 3 months of fastidious, self-administered physical therapy to get to this point. I still sometimes have to prop myself up on the edge of the couch or bed when I take the first steps after allowing the relevant tendons and muscles to "go cold", but I can walk normally and for extended periods of time again.

Kara developed a bump behind her left knee just as her Summer vacation started, so we've had to see her pediatrician, then get an ultrasound (druing which, she cried), then have a follow-up with her pediatrician, then have an MRI (that was a week ago). We'll probably have to have another follow-up to get the results from that one. We didn't know until we arrived at Sick Kids for the MRI that she was going to need to have an I.V. inserted so that the dyeing solution to determine the presence or lack of blood flow to the affected area could be administered readily. Kara hates needles. It took about a half-hour of her crying, then screaming, and finally a firm grip on her while she did both, to get the I.V. inserted. It was miserable. She did well after it, but I think it's safe to say that the needle was traumatic for everyone involved.

Kara and I also had our optometrists appointment this Summer — Kara's first, in fact. She cried mightily when the pupil dilation drops were applied — the "stinging" scared her. So, you know, let's add another thing to the list of medical procedures that terrify her.

I'm looking into building myself my first ever desktop PC. I'm leaning towards going with a small form factor build and am basically waiting for Black Friday/Boxing Day deals to actually make the purchases. That's one of the few "bright spots" I've got going on.

And yeah, on top of all of this is the daily grind of being a homemaker with a husband at work and kid at school. I'm still cooking, cleaning, helping with homework and getting the medical appointments booked and attended. About a month ago, my guts exploded again, then I came down with a cold, then got my period. I basically haven't felt "normal" in a month. It's been awesome.

So far, this year has been busy and kinda Hellish. I'll be glad when it's over.

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